doux-amer님께서 영어 번역을 해주셨어요!! ^//▽//^
다시 한 번 doux-amer님께 감사드립니다!
Jori L. Walker. 17. Bisexual. Gender Neutral. Aspiring Author. Film Maker.
what if the fight Steve had in the alley behind the cinema was so shit because he just didn’t give a damn anymore
I just. My headcanon is that Steve is deeply depressed. That he’s only trying to get into the army so he can maybe die on the same field as Bucky, maybe die doing something worth while instead of just dying alone, in his flop, because his body is shit and it finally gave out and this time there ain’t no one around to save him, not his mom, not Bucky, it’s inevitable and Steve is trying his damnedest to take the last of his life into his own hands.
But that’s not panning out. Nothing ever pans out. The only thing he’s good at his running his mouth.
So fuckit. He gets in a fight and then severely half-asses the fight because he’s self-destructive and so very, very done. Steve knows how to fight—he’s been getting into fights for years, has to have learned how to dodge or use his elbows or just should know better than to try and stop a fist with his face—and he just doesn’t care about defending himself. He got the asshole to leave the theatre, like, that’s all he wanted. Now other people don’t have to deal with his heckling. And like the more of his time Steve’s wastes, the less likely he is to return to the show. What’s a little physical pain to him, anyway? Fuck, he’s used to it. Steve likely experiences chronic pain and has his whole life, and consistently his response is to shoulder it and keep trucking like he’s under no stress at all. That’s not healthy and Steve’s certainly formed some seriously unhealthy habits as a result, cuz fuck it if he’s gonna ask for anyone’s help. Steve’s internalized some really toxic shit and I wouldn’t be surprised if as a result, he sometimes throws himself at pain so he can say he did and look, no fucks were given, he’s practically fine. He can handle it. He made this choice, he decided what his body could handle. He told him he could do this all day and he meant it.
And hell, he knows even if he tried, on his own he could never win a fight against this guy. Its a waste of energy. He doesn’t have to fight him to keep him out of the theater, though, he just has to eat his time. And fuck if he’s gonna back down now that he’s opened his mouth. He won’t go back once he’s set things in motion. He won’t apologize and he won’t admit defeat. There just ain’t much point in putting his all into a losing battle, when he can feel just as accomplished by simply standing back up every time he’s been knocked down. He can take the pain, his sense of self-preservation is too fucked to help him give a shit, and it meets the goal of distracting the jerk without sacrificing the last sliver of pride Steve still has in him.
I ain’t saying its definitely how the scene went or anything, mostly I’ve just gone and made myself sad